


why do i do this it makes me sad

by neperooni



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22832554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neperooni/pseuds/neperooni
Summary: Sollux holds hands with his girlfriend
Relationships: Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	why do i do this it makes me sad

_ "Sollux? I wasn't expecting you today! Is everything alri-- wait, what are you-- Sollux? Sol--!" _

Her voice is cut off with a scream. It always was. The goldblood sat stark upright, his entire body crackling with red and blue sparks of electricity. He was sweating, his eyes wide and as bloodshot as a Psionic's could be. It was always the same dream. He was a prisoner in his own body, unable to speak or cry out, or scream for her to run. To  _ save _ her. He was helpless as his own psionics brought her home down on top of her with a sickening set of cracks. Tastes of the same honey that caused his outburst were the only thing keeping the whispers at bay, the cold tendrils of guilt and blame ever present at the edges of his thoughts.

Sollux knew it wasn't his fault. What his dreams never showed were those last words -- the small, meek  _ "I forgive you." _ Still, he couldn't help but feel responsible. He'd let himself be deceived. He'd  _ let _ himself go out of control. He was the reason she was dead, and he'd never be able to take it back. They were supposed to grow old together. They were supposed to  _ live _ , but now he was nothing but a shell of himself and she was dead. Dead by his own doing.

He still heard her cries every night. He saw her face in the reflection of his husktop behind him. He saw that bittersweet smile everywhere and it ripped at his heart like a dull and rusty blade. Sure, he put on a cool face for his friends. He couldn't let them know what he'd done. He  _ couldn't _ let them know. The only thing any of his friends were even aware of was that they hadn’t seen her in a while, but for her, that was nothing out of the ordinary. For a while, he even managed to pull off the charade. He had even convinced himself he was fine, until the nightmares started up again.

Reaching to grab his palmhusk in his damp, clammy hand, he let out a shaky breath. The screen lit up with one new message, though it didn't say from whom. When he opened up trollian though, his heart jumped into his throat and fat tears rolled down his cheeks. He had to still be dreaming, right? There was no way it could be real. It wasn't possible she'd survived, he'd seen her mangled corpse under the rubble. He'd seen the damage he'd done. And yet, there it was; a simple, one word message, but enough to make his heart ache for her.

_ apocalypseArisen: hell0 _

Sollux felt his lip quiver as he stared down at the message for at least a good five minutes before answering. Each time he looked back and read the handle, it felt like a sucker punch straight to his gut.

_ twinArmageddons: who i2 thii2. ii know damn well you arent her. thii2 ii2nt fuckiing funny.  _

_ twinArmageddons: ii2 thii2 vrii2ka? thii2 ii2 2iick even for you. _

His grief was now replaced with anger. His brow furrowed, furious that someone would dare message him. Still, there was an icy chill down his spine. Did that mean they knew? Had someone found out what he’d done? How he’d killed her, his own matesprit, his  _ love _ ?

He felt himself right back where he had been in his dream, his mind replaying the sickening crunch of bone and squelch of meat, the sound of her voice right before the rubble caved in on her and she died playing on loop in his head. He wanted to throw his palmhusk across the room, but he was angry and grief stricken and at the same time..curious. He wanted to know who was behind this. What they knew. As he thought this though, his screen lit up with another message.   
  
_ apocalypseArisen: y0u kn0w wh0 it is s0llux _

_ apocalypseArisen: that isnt imp0rtant right n0w _

_ apocalypseArisen: we are g0ing to play a game _

Sollux felt a pit in his stomach and a knot in his throat. He felt choked as he tried to comprehend what was going on. She was back somehow.   
  
_ twinArmageddons: aa what do you mean? how are you..what happened? ii watched you diie. iim the one who… _ _   
  
_

_ apocalypseArisen: i already t0ld y0u s0llux _ _   
_ _ apocalypseArisen: i f0rgive y0u _

_ apocalypseArisen: it wasnt y0ur fault anyway _

_ apocalypseArisen: it was my 0wn f0r believing i c0uld 0utplay a dirty cheater at her 0wn game _

_ apocalypseArisen: i kn0w better n0w but we d0nt have time f0r that _

_ apocalypseArisen: i cant stay f0r l0ng because im very weak right n0w i 0nly came t0 deliver a message to y0u _

_ apocalypseArisen: y0u are g0ing to gather 0ur friends and we are g0ing t0 play a game _

**_\- apocalypseArisen has stopped trolling twinArmageddons -_ **

“No! No no no, not again, I--” Sollux’s voice broke as he stared down at his phone again, that aching stab of guilt and longing and a seething rage at Vriska came pouring back all over again. He cried out and slammed his phone down as he grew more and more out of control. His psionics crackled as he cried, lifting and tossing things around his room as he let out a sob for her. It felt like he was dreaming. He had to check for himself, to make sure she wasn’t still alive, barely clinging to life in the wreckage he’d caused. As he looked outside, the sun was setting. Tossing on a hoodie bearing his symbol, he raced out of his hive and to hers, desperate to find something that would tell him he had been wrong, that she’d lived.   
  
It was a long trek to her country hive. Hours just running and floating above the trees to find the mass of rubble he’d made. Hours of a painful ache in his heart. When he finally reached the clearing, he looked around, almost hesitantly. He was afraid of what he’d find. He hadn’t been back since the incident, too horrified by what he’d done, so this was the first time he’d seen everything up close.   
  


Climbing around on the stone and metal that had crumbled and bent, his lip quivered. His psionics crackled as his anxiety rose, but still, he saw nothing. No sign of her, not a single trace of any living thing even near the rubble. The longer he explored, the more hopeless he felt. He rubbed his temples as he delved deeper into the wreckage, under loose stone and crawling through holes to see if she’d been buried somewhere. It wasn’t until he came upon the center of where the house would have stood that he found anything that would tell him she’d even been there, but it was nothing like he’d wanted.   
  
At his feet was her face, cold and dead and decomposing. Tears streaked down his cheeks as he crumpled to his knees, sitting beside the half crushed corpse in what must have been a long dried pool of her deep red blood. He felt defeated, his heart aching as the sight of what he’d done hit him for a second time. Reaching down, he slipped his hand into hers, cold and stiff. He sat there like that for a long time, staring out into the rubble and past to the trees that surrounded her hive. Maybe if he stayed long enough he’d join her in whatever sick afterlife trolls lived.    
  
His head ached and his eyes closed as he dozed off, still clutching the hand of his matesprit’s corpse. As he slept though, he dreamt of her again. This time there were no screams, no death. Just her. He could almost feel her cup his cheek and smile at him, voiceless as she urged him. He couldn’t hear what she said, her words muffled and filled with static. 

Above him as he slept, she stared down, invisible to the boy she had so adored in life. Her apathy was abated only slightly by his presence, but a small smile still played at her lips, melancholy and bittersweet. She crouched then, a hand resting on his cheek as she looked from him to the clasped hands of her corpse and her love. He wouldn’t be able to see her, but it was alright.   
  
She would let him rest for now. When he awoke, they would play a game together one final time.

  
  



End file.
